The Case for High Nurturance
Nurturing behaviors of parents that predict social competence include affectionate and friendly interaction with the child; consideration for the child's feelings, desires and needs; interest in the child's daily activities; respect for the child's points of view; expression of parental pride in the child's accomplishments; and support and encouragement during times of stress in the child's life.
The advantages of high levels of nurturance in fostering social development have been confirmed again and again in studies of children. These advantages begin in infancy, when maternal nurturance facilitates a secure attachment which, in turn, predicts social competence, and continue throughout childhood. High levels of nurturance in child rearing virtually assure more positive adult-child interactions than negative ones in the day-to-day operations of family life. This, in turn, predisposes the child to return love to the parent and to enjoy spending time with the parent, thus increasing the possibilities of significant parental influence throughout childhood. Parental nurturance also motivates the child to please the parent by striving to live up to parental expectations and helps to keep the child from hurting or disappointing the loved parent. Because children more readily identify with nurturant than nonnurturant models, the children of nurturing parents are more likely to incorporate parental values, such as considerateness and fairness in interpersonal relations, into their own lifestyle. One would also expect these children to resist peer group values that are clearly different from family values.
If there is a downside to high levels of nurturance in child rearing, it is the risk that nurturant parents might be more lax than other parents in challenging their children to measure up to developmentally appropriate standards for behavior. This risk would appear to be reduced, however, by the authoritative parents' inclination to combine moderate levels of parental control with nurturance.
The Case of Moderate Control
Nurturant parents who maintain at least a moderate level of control over their child do not give up their right to set behavioral standards for the child and to convey the importance of compliance with those standards. To facilitate compliance, and as a courtesy to the child, authoritative parents offer reasons and explanations for the demands placed on their children. Evidence suggests that such a practice increases the child's understanding of rules and regulations, eventually making it possible for the child to monitor his or her behavior in the absence of the parent.
Parents who use authoritative child rearing practices often use positive reinforcers, such as praise, approval, and rewards, to increase the child's compliance with behavioral standards. The success of positive social reinforcement in producing desirable behavior is legendary. A parent's positive response to good behavior may be the most powerful tool the parent has for increasing child compliance and decreasing the need for disciplinary action.
When misbehavior does occur and discipline is deemed necessary, authoritative parents show a preference for "rational-inductive discipline," in which both sides of an issue are stated and a just solution is sought. These parents also prefer "consequence-oriented discipline" in which children are expected to make up for their wrongdoing. Martin Hoffman points out that this disciplinary strategy has the advantage of focusing the child's attention on the plight of the victim rather than on the child's plight at the hands of an angry parent.
Finally, authoritative parents try to avoid the more extreme forms of punishment in rearing their children. They do not favor harsh physical punishment or put-downs, such as ridicule or negative social comparison, which attack the child's sense of personal worth. Although the harsher forms of punishment can be effective in the short run, they often generate resentment and hostility that carry over to the school and peer group, reducing the child's effectiveness in these settings.
Summary
In parenting, as in other endeavors, nothing works all of the time. It is safe to say, however, that authoritative parenting works better than most other parenting styles in facilitating the development of social competence in children at home and in the peer group. High levels of nurturance combined with moderate levels of control help adults be responsible child rearing agents for their children and help children become mature, competent members of society. With a little bit of luck, the children of authoritative parents should enjoy more than their share of success in the peer group.
Editor's note: This is the third in a series of three ERIC/EECE digests that focus on children's peer relationships as educational contexts. These digests are adapted from articles that originally appeared in the Fall 1991 (Vol. 19, No. 1) issue of the Early Report of the University of Minnesota's Center for Early Education and Development.
For More Information
Baumrind, D. "Current Patterns of Parental Authority." Developmental Psychology Monographs 4 (1971): 1-103.
Hoffman, M.L. "Moral Internationalization, Parental Power, and the Nature of Parent-Child Interaction." Developmental Psychology 11 (1975): 228-239. EJ 116 432.
Putallaz, M. "Maternal Behavior and Children's Sociometric Status." Child Development 58 (1987): 324-340. EJ 354 567.
General References on Peer Relations:
Asher, S.R., and Coie, J.D. Eds. Peer Rejection in Childhood. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1990.
Ramsey, P.G. Making Friends in School: Promoting Peer Relationships in Early Childhood. New York: Teacher's College Press, 1991.
